1. I did not get an opportunity to go to the grocery store one evening without the children, accomplish what I'd gone to do, then drive around town for another 10 minutes just for the sake of some "me time". I would never, ever, EVER be that selfish! (And, 10 minutes might be stretching it, since the town which I live in is teeny-tiny. I was wishing for 10 minutes.)
2. I did not do the above activity while eating a Ding Dong, and driving by the local fitness club, which I was scoping out. Again, I am the picture of self-control, and did not use this opportunity to purchase something I often forbid my children to consume. Had it been fruits and vegetables, it might have been me.
3. My oldest son most definitely did not go to the store with his Batman mask on. Oh, no! Not my child! He is always a picture of perfection, especially in public. (The mask didn't make it through the doors, just in the parking lot. He was afraid the store people might call the cops on him if he were dressed like Batman. Oh, wait... that never happened.)
4. I did not attempt to get the boys' pictures in front of the Christmas tree, get frustrated, get stern with them, then say, "Smile!" Wouldn't that be odd of a mother to do to her children? Subject them to torture, then tell them to act like they like it? That would be cruel, really. That's why I would never do such a thing.5. And, finally, I did not come around the corner, find my baby boy on the couch, and him eating my Christmas ornaments. No, my house is completely child-safe. No harm will come of my child because of my negligence. Uh-huh. Not me.
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